If Texas Hold ’Em Poker happens in smoky casinos with tumblers of rough bourbon to hand, Cafe Hold ’Em Poker is much happier in a chintzy tea shop with a nice cup of Earl Grey. It’s designed to feel like a cosy Friends sim, thankfully without the laughter track.
At least one aspect of the game is pure Las Vegas: the over-lit, soulless coffee shop sim where your avatar hangs out between round could have been lifted straight from Caesars Palace.
Like Cafe Solitaire before it, Hold ’Em Poker is visually slick and easy to play. For a Quick Game, you can choose the number of players (between two and eight), the buy in, limit and difficulty level. Avoid Easy unless you enjoy all the AI players folding immediately – games are far more interesting at Normal or Hard. Gameplay is slow but straightforward, with betting made very easy, and a ‘Poker Advisor’ that reveals your percentage chances of winning and occasionally suggests strategy.
There are tournament modes to work your way through but your winnings remain purely virtual. Do well in a few hands and you’ll be able to upgrade your trousers or treat yourself to some new shoes, but Cafe Hold ’Em Poker utterly lacks the tension and excitement of playing for real stakes. You can’t even play a multiplayer game to introduce some human drama.
Cafe Hold ’Em Poker is poker for teetotallers , a safe, smiley game of cards where all you can win is a virtual haircut or some sandals, and you risk nothing more serious than starting a tournament over with a magically replenished pot of cash. It’s a solid and helpful introduction to Texas Hold ’Em for absolute beginners, but experienced card sharks will sniff in vain for even a hint of blood.
Details
Price: £6
Rating: 3+
Size: 3MB
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